3 posts tagged “humor”

September 12, 1940

• Pick up more braunschweiger (Yum!)

• Send postcard to Hilde

• DON'T FORGET—Opera Tickets!!!

• Take brown shoes to get repaired

• Flowers for mum

 

You're a competitive athlete. People are always injecting you with substances and telling you not to worry about it. But you do worry a little. Are you a juicer? A cheater? Or are you just using legal, modern medicine to be all that you can be? Take this quick quiz to see if you're an illegal doper...

Please answer honestly.

1. You have won the Tour de France. (If Yes, add 10 points)

2. You have giant muscles. (If Yes, add 1 point)

3. You will break Hank Aaron's career home run record. (If Yes, add 10 points)

4. You just killed your family in a fit of rage. (If Yes, add 9 points)

5. You have giant muscles on top of giant muscles. (If Yes, add 2 points)

6. You are on the Chinese women's swimming team. (If Yes, add 10 points)

7. Your head is the size of two heads. (If Yes, add  2 points)

8. You are paranoid. (If Yes, add 1 point)

9. You are paranoid people will learn you take steroids. (If Yes, add 10 points)

10. Your a) penis shrinks to the size of a clitoris or b) your clitoris grows to the size of a penis. (If Yes, add 8 points)

11. You have giant muscles on top of giant muscles on top of your head. (If Yes, add 6 points)

12. You know what a pharmacologist does. (If Yes, add 3 points)

13. You know a pharmacologist. (If Yes, add 5 points)

14. You know a pharmacologist who operates out of a van. (If Yes, add 7 points)

15. You're as large and as old as Barry Bonds (If Yes, add 4 points. If you are Barry Bonds, add 20)

Now add up your score.

A score of 0-5...You are not on steroids.

A score of 6-9...You are sometimes accused of taking steroids, but you are legal.

A score of 10-19...You are on steroids and risk disqualification and humiliation.

A score of 20+...You are so rich and famous now that your steroid use, while obvious, will not lead to your disqualification.

The Donatello Crossword Puzzle

The Monet Word Find

The Michelangelo Car Bingo

The Van Gogh Jumble

The Renoir Sudoku

The Cezanne Mad Libs

National Treasure